Poetic Prose: A Student Prepares for a Summer Overseas and Writes “Shifting Shadows”

ATSdeans

Selfies with the Deans of ATS Dr. Ron Walborn & Dr. L.A. Carlo

Transition: movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change.

Transitions have been plenty these last couple of days. Friends moving away some forever, some for the summer. Graduation. The end of an internship. Packing and moving… The old is passing away and the new is coming.

It feels like I am trapped in a house caught up in a tornado that is being whisked away to a land far off… Except there is no literal wind carrying me to new places, nor am I trapped in a house that is being swept away,  I am willingly moving from one country to another. Packing up and changing my entire life for the next 11 weeks, leaving behind the comfortable, familiar and secure. To be real I am a little frightened. I know that even though I will return to NY in August, finish my degree and work for a place I love; when I step on that plane in 13 days there will be no going back for me. This transition will be sure to thrust me into the trajectory my life has always been meant to be on. It will usher me into next stage of my life and prepare for what is ahead in the years to come.

My 10 weeks in Brazil will involve heartbreak, as God will surely break my heart for what breaks his. I will experience culture shock, I will miss home, my friends, my family, my church and I will cry often, for many reasons. And in the end, I won’t want to leave the new place my heart will have grown to love deeply and call home.

mychurchIScoolerThanYours

My Pastors Jeff Salvesen & Martin Sanders, Shawna (taking the pic) and I during our staff photos for our new Living Christ Church Website (go check it out: http://www.lccnyack.org ) Photo Cred: @NyackChurch

10 weeks will be life altering, and I will have no control of it. I won’t have my loving roommate to cry to, and pray for me. I won’t have my pastors, elders and leaders to hug me, share firm words of truth and pray for me and I won’t be an easy phone call away from my family or friends, to carry me through.

How ever I know that I will be surrounded by new friends, some of which I got to know and  love last summer (during my first visit), who will lovingly and gracefully help me through. And I will have those moments in the quiet, in which the Lord will become realer to me than he has ever been. I have the surety in my heart that in the midst of it, God, who has already gone before me, will be there to carry me through.

First Flight

How it all began last summer… Found this gem while packing.

It would be honest to say that I need to grieve. It is the close of a chapter for me, and the start of act two. This means that I can no longer to resort to old patterns of behavior and thinking. I am now responsible for all I have learned and it is up to me to live it out. It’s time to step out of the shore, into the waters and go as deep as God leads me to go, with confidence. I’d been at home at the shore, I grew comfortable there, I was happy with the progress I made while sitting on my beach chair getting my feet wet. But now I have to live it all out, for real, out there, where I have no life vests or opportunities to run to the easy, the secure and the comfortable again.

Yet in the midst of the fear, and the grief, I am ready.  I am ready to take the plunge. I am ready to embrace the new, to open up this good gift he’s given me and I am confident in the one who makes a way in the sea for me! Because even though everything around me is changing, I can rest assured in the truth that He, my God, will never change; “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17)….He is the constant in my life. He is the security I need.

“Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters…Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

- Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

moving day!

Finally moved all of my stuff into my friends storage space! Shouts outs to Koob ( in the red) & Chris for helping me move! Bigger shout out to the Kotecha’s for allowing me to store my belongings in their storage spaces for the summer!

Maddy Badillo

About Maddy Badillo

27 -year-old crazy seminarian, on an intense journey with God.
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