Since my last post, I have been utterly exhausted and drained emotionally and physically in every sense of the word. I never realized how tiring dealing with one’s pain could be, especially in the midst of final papers as the end of my 2nd semester at ATS draws near. But in the struggle with this exhaustion, I have found rest, deep rest, in places and ways I least expected.
I found rest in VISION.
A huge part of my turmoil laid on my perspective and the vision I had of myself, that was tainted by what I saw and what I didn’t see. What I saw was ugly, unwanted, unworthy, and undesirable and what I didn’t see was my need for a partner met.
But my vision was wrong. What I saw as flawed, was only flawed, as I looked through the bifocals of ; lies and unmet expectations. When I looked in the mirror, I saw through the contact lenses that said things like “maybe if you were skinnier, guys would find you attractive…or… there are other girls who are much prettier than you…”.
We are visual people, we believe only what we see and what we see is tainted by what we’ve heard and experienced throughout the course of our lives. But there is one who’s vision is perfect and pure. His vision isn’t tainted by the hardships of life, the demands of culture and the desires of perverse people. He sees things for what they truly are. He doesn’t wear the bifocals of lies and unmet expectations, his vision is truth and faith.
On Sunday as I sat in the home of my fellow seminarians, for my mentoring group (I told you, we are big on community and accountability at Nyack and ATS) I became aware of this reality. I’d shared with my friends my struggles and my need for their support in prayer and as they gathered around me to pray, one of my friends said ” I will pray for God to give you His VISION…”. And it suddenly clicked, the way that I see myself and my situation is the total opposite of the way God sees me and my life.
As we sat in the living room and prayed for one another, my eyes were opened, I was given new sight and I began to find rest in HIS vision.
My friends when God, the creator of ALL looks at us, He sees perfection. Listen, see this truth, GOD the father, DOES NOT see us as; messed up, ugly, nasty, fat, disqualified, unworthy, sinful people. HE sees the BEAUTY of HIS Son, when He looks at you, when He looks at me. THAT my friends IS VISION; to see past the lies, the unmet needs, the mistakes that we’ve made and see the beauty and perfection of Jesus Christ. And there we find deep rest.
Find rest as I am, in the vision of God. At the end of the day, HE IS THE ONLY one who’s vision and opinion will last forever. So why continue to hold on to and striving to erase fading, false beliefs, when the eternal truth waits to be discovered by us.
Ask, as my friend did for me, and as I do even as I write this post, ask for his vision.
” Lord, help us to see what you see. Remove the lenses that we wear tainted by hurtful words spoken over us, by situations that broke our hearts, and the expectations of a visual culture. Give us eyes to see the beauty of your son, as we look at our reflections in the mirror. Give us a vision of truth and faith, to see even that which is invisible. God, when you look at us you see deep beauty, you find great pleasure, you smile as your heart is filled with overwhelming joy. We are your beloved ones, we are perfect in your sight, you do not see our sin, our flaws, our pasts, our inabilities, but instead you see kings and queens worthy of your kingdom. Help us, Jesus, to see what you see. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
“…in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11
“After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God.” Mark 6:19
“…and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:6
My friends, we are RIGHT now seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus, and He is seated at the right hand of the Father, where there are pleasures forevermore. SEE right now, that YOU are the pleasure that sits at His right hand. Find rest in the vision.